In Memory...

Five years ago today, I lost my very best friend and mother to breast cancer. They say time heals, but I miss her as much, if not more, than I did the day she passed away. My mom was the type of person who lit up a room the second she stepped inside. She always had a smile on her face and her laughter had the ability to warm the hearts of the people around her. My mom was a warrior. From the day she was diagnosed with cancer, she vowed to fight it; but this battle had nothing to do with herself, and everything to do with her family. She was the backbone holding my dad, sister, and I together. Looking back, I wish I had taken more time to stop and say thank you. Looking back, I wish I had given her just one more hug.

Five years ago today, my life changed in a way I couldn't prepare for. I've spent the time since trying to figure out who I am. I've had ups and I've had downs, just as all people do, but the ups are always a bit harder to enjoy, and the downs more difficult to endure without her here. However, I've felt her with me throughout both the highs and lows, and know in my heart she has helped me to get where I am today.

Five years ago today, I thought I would never stop crying. In the days that followed, the number of tear-filled days lessened, which at times worried me. Then, a day would come along in which I felt short of breath thinking about how much I missed her - much like how I feel now as I write this post.

Five years ago today, I looked at my dad and saw the pain and sadness in his eyes. Today, I still see it, and wish more than anything I could help to erase it. My mom was the love of his life. Yesterday, they would have celebrated their thirtieth wedding anniversary...I can't imagine the heartache he must feel. Thinking about the connection they shared, makes me believe in the possibility of true love.

Five years ago today, I lost the person who had passed along, what I like to think of, as the best parts of me. The gifts of her smile, warmth, and understanding are but a few of the pieces I try to emulate. I know I falter at times to follow in her footsteps, but I like to think she's watching from above, helping me to regain my footing when I've lost it.

Five years ago today, I learned an important life lesson: always tell the people in your life how much you love them. It is these relationships that sustain you, that bring you joy, that make life worth living.